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September 2008

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holy father

theoutlawtorn in wonder_soul

Fourth topic

Okay, so, it's been a while (two and a half years whaaat?) since we've had a really deep, meaningful discussion and/or debate. And that, of course, is what this community was originally created for. So, I'm going to introduce a new topic for you guys to think and/or talk about.

I want you to reflect on what it's like to be a soulbond.

Some questions to consider
(Do not need to answer all of them; this is just to jump-start discussion)
How do you relate to me? Do you see me as a host, creator, friend, tyrant, what? How do you relate to other bonds? What is the soulscape like (if there is one)? What is it like to be out in my physical world (if you've ever been there)? Is it strange to have the fourth wall broken so completely and so frequently? What is your relation to your canon? Do you still see yourself as in-character, or are you so completely removed that even an AR/AU label doesn't work? Is there something you wish could be different?

This might be a bit strange or difficult to answer, because it requires removing yourself from your own existence and looking down on it from a different perspective. Not gonna lie, you may have some sort of existential breakdown as a result of this discussion. Participate at your own risk. XD


Well, I'll start off with some really deep, philosophical reflections.

...Har har, just kidding.

Well, I'm sitting on your lap at the moment, typing up this comment, after spending the night in your bed and trying to get you drunk at approximately 12:30pm. Is that weird enough, or should I keep going? The strangest thing for me is the constant transition between being an invisible presence in your world and being a spirit "channeled" in your body. Like, right now, these are my thoughts that are being typed out on the screen, but your fingers are the ones doing the typing. And sometimes I'm lying in bed next to you, and we're talking, and sometimes I'm in your body and I'm lying in bed with Marmaduke. It's just....it's kind of fun and funky and free-spirited-feeling, but at the same time, it's so strange not having a solid physical presence. And you, of course, are privy to all of my thoughts, emotions, desires, and secrets. I've used your hands to write out very private poetry and journal entries that I wouldn't share with anyone else in my life. I trust you, of course (in a way, I have to), but sometimes I feel a bit...insubstantial.

...Okay, I'll get off your lap now and go pass out on the couch. Or go bother your pussy. Or chug some of your mama's booze.
Hey, that was actually somewhat deep and borderline philosophical! Tristan, I'm very pleasantly surprised!

But anyway, I guess it's sort of inevitable that you would feel "insubstantial," because...well, let's face it, you are. Physically, at least. I know it must be difficult for a soulbond/spirit to move through the physical world and try to make his/her mark in a way that others will recognize as "real." Do you ever regret that I brought you into this realm? I really love having you as an "invisible" companion to talk to, and you seem to enjoy having the opportunity to interact with me and other bonds, but do you ever wish that you'd stayed in the purely spiritual/mental realm? I hope that doesn't sound like a leading question...I really am just curious. :)

♥ ♥ ♥!!
Eh, I guess I wouldn't say I regret it. I mean, who knows where I'd be if you hadn't roped me into your little hare-brained story idea (said with love <3 ...sort of). I'm glad I've gotten to know you, and all of the other bonds, both within my own story and in the realms of other stories. It's just taken a lot of adjusting, a lot of questions, and a constant re-evaluation of where I stand, metaphysically.

But overall, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Except booze.
...you would trade anything for booze.
Fuck yeah.
Well, I can speak to the whole "disparities between canon-self and soulbonding-self" thing. Because, you see...I should technically be dead right now. >__> But I not be dead. And sometimes that is strange to think of. But, it's like we are taken out of the canon of the story right from the beginning and a, like, a sort of doppelganger is put through all of the plot events. So, while the Julien in your story (which isn't actually officially written down or anything, but still) is dead by, what, 28? 29?, I'm still alive and kicking at 31.

I guess, in my mind, there's a distinction between "characters" and "soulbonds" (or "IFs," which I think is pretty much synonymous with "soulbonds"). Any author has characters that she writes about, creates dialogue for, and kills off, but only a soulbonder sees the characters as people who have stepped outside of their story and can look over her shoulder as she writes.

But yes, now I have confused myself....@___@ Now I have a dead doppelganger running around somewhere in the wasteland of your mind? Aaaahhhh!!!
Oh, Juju. So easily confused... u_u;;

I guess I never really thought about the whole "two characters at once" thing. Well, I thought about it, obviously, because I knew you were supposed to be dead, and I knew people from LK and CT were meant to be from a different time/place. But I never really thought so deeply about it.

What you say makes sense, though. That a character cannot be considered a "soulbond" until he steps out and takes on his own life, and leaves a shell of a character behind that the author can do with what she wishes. The same could be said of soulbonders who have outsourced bonds (of course, this is just conjecture, as I don't have an outsourced bonds) - the character steps out of his canon and can be labeled AU or AR, because the canon story will continue on, and the character within the canon will develop as the author/manga-ka/artist/etc. decides he should, but the character who was become a soulbond will sort of develop in his own way, depending on how he connects to the soulbonder.

Well, ^_^;; that puts me at rest. Lately I've been having a lot of confusing thoughts about how people act in and outside of canon, why this is happening while the canon self does this, etc., etc. I'm glad my Juju is here to clear things up. //^_______^//

Well, we discussed this briefly, didn't we? That one night of "awkwardness."

I agree with Tristan, that it's weird being able to switch so suddenly among states of "being invisible, but physically present, in Raisin's world and talking to her," "being invisible and physically present in Raisin's world while she channels another bond, so that you remain invisible but you can interact with a physically present bond," and "being physically present in Raisin's world by taking control of her body and interacting with another physically present, but invisible soulbond." The word "insubstantial," and also "fluid" or "ephemeral" describe the sensation well.

And in terms of relationships between my character and canon, well...I'm in the unique situation that I don't really *have* a canon. Or, what I do have of it is ongoing, and sort of "make it up as you go along." Part of the awkwardness that night, I think, stemmed from the fact that I was talking to who was essentially the one person in charge of the course of my canon, and she was giving me insight. And then, when you channeled Jin and I took on the role of "canon Pascal," it was strange because I remembered the conversation, but I couldn't really talk about you as if you were just another person we knew. I don't know, it was just a really, really strange feeling.

Anyway, I don't want to think about it too deeply...>__> I'll just peace out there and see what your response is.

We must hang out soon~!
^_^ <3
Well, first of all, I do not have total control over the course of your canon, dear. That is entirely up to you and your lovah there. Yes, my mind is essentially the "playground" where all of this unfolds, but I know for a fact that trying to mold and control my characters in a certain way just does. not. work.

Buuut, at the same time, I know what you're saying. All of my other bonds are able to separate themselves almost completely from their canon roles, while you and Jin are sort of constantly going back-and-forth. I think at this point, since you'll most likely never be written down like some of my other stories, it would be best to abandon all pretenses of canon altogether. You and Jin are just peeps in my life, and if I come up, then I come up, and I'm a friend. That may not eliminate the strange feeling (may in fact make it worse, I don't know), but I don't want you to have to feel like you need to restrain yourself.

And this summer, we will indeed hang out, and I hope to close the gap even further between "canon" and "not-canon," and maybe this whole issue will resolve itself.

Well, see, when I said I couldn't talk about you, I meant I...literally couldn't. Not that I was making a conscious decision, but that something prevented me from doing it. Like, I had a vague, blurry idea of who you were and what you'd said, but if I tried to talk about it, there was a mental block and I just could not physically get the words to leave my mouth. So strange. Maybe it has something to do with Chaos? I know in the past, he's had the same sort of "mental block" effect on me, mostly when I started remembering things about the abuse. Or if our body had experienced something while he was fronting but I still had a vague memory of it, I couldn't get myself to fully remember the event clearly enough to talk about it.

But yeah, I prefer not to dwell on things like this for too long. We should focus on having fun bonding-time this summerrr ^_^~
Well, like I said in a previous post, I feel like I've been drifting in and out of existence. It's like I don't exist unless you consciously think of me. You know, out of sight, out of mind? Other bonds seem to talk like they've continued to live their lives, but it doesn't seem to work that way for me.

Now that you recognize my existence again, though, I feel like a fully-formed human being once more. It's just so difficult to know that my livelihood is entirely contingent on your mind. Because, well, no offense, but your mind can be a little...erratic. You're not always good at focusing on things, so if you don't focus on one of your stories, we start to fade. I'm glad you've made an effort to keep us around, though.
Yes, I suppose it is the nature of soulbonds that, the more mental energy I put into them, the more fully-formed they seem as people. It was never my intention to make you feel like you didn't exist, lovey. I had just shifted most of my energy to my new novel. But now, I'm trying to make it more balanced. I want all of my bonds back, and I'm going to do my best to start focusing my time and energy and evenly as I can.

And it must be difficult to continue to exist when your canon has ended. Jin, Pascal, and my new novel crew are all still developing within the context of their canon, but you and all of my "older" IFs have been developed as fully as you can be (for the time being, at least). One of my potential goals this summer is to re-organize the plots of my old shows and maybe, possibly start to consider novelizing them. Then, I would get to see you grow all over again! Of course, that adds the further complicating layer of forcing you to look at yourselves back in time and watch yourselves develop, and then continue moving forward at the same time... @___@ Oh man, this should be interesting...

Ugh. Can't wait.